A Series for the Muses
by Kagome Yuki Niwa
Summary: HellsingxIYxYYH This is what Kagome Yuki Niwa's muses do when you guys aren't around...this is a crack fic on your two favorite muses...Youko and Alucard. Every chapter is funny and tells you what is being updated next. Read and see what gets a new chap.
1. Incident 1: Bored

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho and Hellsing...

**Summary:** A series of what Kagome Yuki Niwa's muses do when she's not around...

**Rating:** T

**Dedication: **WhiteDemoness11 and all of you other people that love my muses.

* * *

**A Series for the Muses**

"I am so _bored_!" Youko yelled out in frustration as he flipped onto his stomach, his tail twitching lazily behind him. "Alucard! Provide some entertainment!"

"I am not your slave kitsune." Alucard glared as he pulled out his gun, Jackal, and pointed it at the kistune. Said kitsune, jumped up and ran as the first bullet was pulled.

"Don't-gah-attack-oh shit-me you psycho-fuck-vampire!" Youko yelled as he dodged bullets. Alucard chuckled as he ran out of bullets. "What the hell are you laughing at?"

"I am amused. When I am amused...I laugh."

"What?" Youko snarled.

"You said to provide entertainment...so I provided myself with entertainment...I tortured you." he laughed darkly.

"Oh fuck you, vampire." Youko snarled.

"I don't swing that way." Alucard muttered in disgust. Youko's eyes twinkled maliciously as he siddled up to Alucard, batting his lashes seductively in a feminine manner. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to seduce you, what does it look like?" Youko asked.

"It looks like you hve something in your eye." Alucard laughed hysterically. Youko growled and then in a very un-Youko manner-with a mighty battle cry- leapt at Alucard pushing him to the ground and pulled at his dark hair.

"Take this devil of the night!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Feel the wrath of my mighty hair pulling cat fight technique!" Youko cackled sadistacally.

Meanwhile...KYN types of the next chapter to...'Shadows of the Night'. She glares at her muses and stands up.

"Will you two shut the hell up?!" she snaps over Alucards 'manly cries' of pain and Youko's insane laughter. They ignore her so she pokes her head outside her bedroom door and whistles (A/N: BTW...I can't whistle .;).

A very womanly man walks in and sees the two wrestling on the floor. His eyes brighten.

"Are you two getting warmed up for me?" he asks seductively. The two abrubptly stop fighting.

"Oh-" Youko begins

"-hell-" Alucard interrupts.

"-fuck no!" they end.

"Flee! Flee!" Youko cries.

"Come give Jakotsu some sugar big boys!"

All three run from the room and KYN sits happily typing up her next chapter to 'Shadows of the Night'.

"Damn muses. Who needs them?" she asks softly hearing their screams for help outside. Something explodes and she smiles sadistically.

* * *

KYN: Chapter one of my crack fic...I will actually update this everytime I start a new chapter or one shot so you guys know what I'm updating. So this will actually be a crack fic/bulletin thingy. You read it, you find out what will be updated next.  
Alucard: I do not shriek.  
Youko: You do now.  
Alucard: Says the cat fight boy.  
KYN: Both of you shut up and do what I say...review guys!


	2. Incident 2: The Goop

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho and Hellsing...I OWN ME!! I OWN ME!!

**Summary:** A series of what Kagome Yuki Niwa's muses do when she's not around...

**Rating:** T

**Dedication: **WhiteDemoness11 and all of you other people that love my muses.

* * *

**A Series for the Muses**

**Incident 2: The Goop**

"I hate vampires, yes I do. I hate vampires...how about you?" Youko sung as he skipped through KYN's house. He skipped down the hallway and to the living room where Alucard was quietly snoozing. He smirked sadistically and pulled a seed from his soft silver hair. His ears twitched and he crept quietly to the vampire.

He placed the seed on the arm of the sectional, putting some youki into it so it would grow, and then ran for his life and into KYN's room where she was_ vigilantly_ typing up the next chapter to 'Teacher Mine' and working on the one shots that had pairings of NicolexKagome for Evil RULZ from Gundam Seed and Inuyasha and another one shot with AizenxKagomexUlquiorra a Bleach and Inuyasha cross for Five Tailed Demon Dog. 

"Youko?" KYN asked softly, still typing.

"Hmm?"

"What did you do?" she asked.

"Three...two..."

"_**MOTHER FUCKING KITSUNE!!**_" KYN jumped from her computer chair and glared a Youko. "I'LL _**CASTRATE**_ YOUR ASS! YOU JUST WAIT!! I AM _**ALUCARD**_!! THE NO-LIFE KING!! THERE IS NO WAY IN _**HELL**_ I AM LETTING YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS!!" the sound of a gun clicking could be heard and Youko pecked KYN on the cheek before leeping out the window.

"If I don't come back alive. I love you and Sesshoumaru and I got drunk on New Years and had mad passinate sex. Also...you never saw me! Bye, love!" then he was gone.

KYN sat in confusion and then her bedroom door opened with a bang. She turned to see Alucard and then she turned blue from the effort of keeping her laughter in. She wouldn't dare laugh when he looked about ready to shoot anything that looked at him wrong. Alucard was currently covered in a dark blue and green goop that smelled absolutely rank. It was dripping off of him.

"W-What h-happened?" she gasped out.

"This plant _**thing ate me**_ and then _**spit me back up**_!!" he growled. "Where is Youko?" he asked dangerously.

"He ran out the window." she gasped again. He nodded and then jumped out after him, goop everywhere. KYN finally bursted into laughter and then continued to type until she noticed the smell. She growled and wheeled her computer to someplace safe...like...the bathroom! Yeah! She should be safe in there! She sat down on the toilet seat, closed by the way, and began to type. "Stupid kitsune and stupid Sess...wait! WHAT?! He slept with SESSHOUMARU?!"

KYN types angrily and smirks to herself.

"And Sesshoumaru ran around in a pretty pink dress. THE END!" she laughed maniaclly and then continued to type her one shots and 'Teacher Mine'. "Hope Alucard gets that perv."  


* * *

KYN: So now you know what's being updated next. Sorry but Alucard is as you know, trying to kill Youko. We love you guys! I hope you enjoy the next updates! Those of you reading, 'Shadows of the Night' I just posted it!


	3. Incident 3: Missing

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho and Hellsing...I OWN ME!! I OWN ME!!

**Summary:**A series of what Kagome Yuki Niwa's muses do when she's not around...

**Rating:** T

**Dedication: **WhiteDemoness11 and all of you other people that love my muses.

* * *

**A Series for the Muses**

**Incident 3: Missing **

This was horrible. It absolutely positively sucked major ass. Youko looked around as he tried to find KYN. She was missing and it was hurting his heart grately. Alucard was missing too. His eyes widend and he stood from his fetal position in the corner.

What if they were together?

What were they doing?

What was this poor kitsune to do when his woman and his _**rival**_ were missing! TOGETHER!!

His eyes hardened as he looked in every room. He would not loose her to that-that- _**vampire**_!

He came to her room where he heard soft moans and deep chuckles. His heart stopped and pressed a large fox ear to the door.

"Mmmhmm...right there." was the feminine moan. "Just a little harder...yes."

Youko's eyes widned as he opened the door. His jaw dropped and he began to open his mouth and then close it. KYN looked at Youko and smiled softly at him. She was currently lying on her stomach, Alucard was straddling her back and massaging it, while she typed out the next chapters to 'War of All Wars', 'Help of the Heart', 'Bonded Destiney', 'Fuku' something about taking revenge for Bishonen'sFoxyMiko for the story they were co-authoring, 'Weapon plus' adopted from Five Tailed Demon Dog, and a AizenxKagomexUlquiorra a Bleach and Inuyasha cross for Five Tailed Demon Dog. 

"Hey Youko!" KYN greeted happily. Alucard looked at Youko and smirked, knowing exactly what he was thinking.

Youko lunged for Alucard for making him think the worst and the vampire merely chuckled and disappeared into the shadows. KYN sat shocked and then glared at Youko.

"I was getting a massage!" she whined as she continued to type.

"I-I thought you and he-"

"You thought what?" she asked dangerously.

"Nothing!" he cried as he saw the vampire down the hall. He ran after him and the sounds of manly yells could be heard. KYN grabbed her computer and looked down the hall where Youko was sporting a bullet wound in the shoulder and Alucard had a hole through the stomach. KYN sighed wondering how she was going to get the blood stains from the carpet.

"Kagome!" she called and Kagome walked from the kitchen as KYN gestured to the two fighting boys. Kagome nodded her head enthusiastically.

"DOWN BOY!!" Youko went down on his face as Alucard laughed. "PLAY DEAD!!" Alucard fell to the ground is laughter no more. KYN and Kagome nodded as Kagome gave her some tips on what to write next. KYN sat happily as Kagome brought her cake. Kagome and KYN ate happily ever after until the toilet incident.

KYN: 'Teacher Mine' just went up not too long ago and so did my NicolexKagome called River Flows In You. Got to my profile to vote on the next one-shot! Thanks guys! Go visit 'River Flows In You' and Teacher Mine!


	4. Incident 4: Toilet

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho and Hellsing...I OWN ME!! I OWN ME!!

**Summary:**A series of what Kagome Yuki Niwa's muses do when she's not around...

**Rating:** T

**Dedication: **WhiteDemoness11 and all of you other people that love my muses.

* * *

**A Series for the Muses**

**Incident 4: Toilet**

"Ooo. KYN('Gome Yuki from now on courtesy of Bishonen'sFoxyMiko) is going to kill you." Youko teased like a small child.

"Shut up." Alucard muttered as he let loose another round of bullets.

"Ouch. I hope she didn't need that." Youko muttered.

"Shut. Up." Alucard snapped as he reloaded his gun, 'Jackal'. More shots could be heard and 'Gome Yuki lifted her head from her computer. She pulled of the head phones and to hear gun shots. She umped up, leaving her stories alone. At this moment she was working on:

Of Demons and Sinners Next Chapter  
Of the Darkest Hearts and Purest Blood Next Chapter  
Love of the ead Next Chapter  
Teacher of Mine Next chapter  
River Flows in You Next chapter  
JuromaruxKagome one-shot for Evil RULZ  
SasukexKagome fr Vampire Kitty  
RyuukenxKagome for Bishonen'sFoxyMiko  
GrimmjowxKagome for Itoma the god of water  
SesshoumaruxKagome full length story (I'd like to try and get an award this year or at least nominated for one)  
FangxKagome for me

She ra from her room and down the hallway. She saw Youko staring at the bathroom in horror and she ran inside. She looked around and growled at the reason for this mess. Alucard had shot everything in the bathroom...not even the purple rubber ducky was spared. The mirror was shot, the toilet was shot, the shower curtains were turned to rags, and everything elses was...dead.

"What did you do?" 'Gome Yuki growled at the vampire that was now gulping nervously. "Why?"

"I s-saw a roach." Alucard stated nervously.

"You shot my bathroom because you saw a roach?" she hissed. Youko was silently choking on his laughter and 'Gome Yuki leapt at the vampire. "A roach?!"

"I don't like them!" Alucard yelled. The two began to fight and Youko sighed...he went to Gome'Yuki's computer and began typing.

"...and 'Gome Yuki and Youko rode off into the sun together to go make babies. Lots and lots of babies while Alucard was stuck somewhere else. Never to steal her from Youko. The End! ...Now click add...and done!" Youko said happily. He left the computer and whistled innocently while Alucard and 'Gome Yuki continued fighting.

"DIE VAMPIRE!!"

* * *

I am weird don't worry I know but you have to admit...Alucard being scared of roaches...FUNNY!!


	5. Incident 5: Cookie Thieves

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**A Series for the Muses**

**Incident 5: Cookie Thieves**

**Written By: Beautiful Phantom**

The authoress, the trusted friend of 'Gome Yuki, go by the name of Beautiful Phantom, whistled a soft tune as she's waiting for the white timer to go 'bing!' from the table as she's reading a today's newspaper. The tall, brooding man with long red cape and long black hair was sitting right across from the table from her, staring at her, unnerving her a bit. The young blond boy in orange was loudly slurping his bowl of a ramen, some bits flying off and pelting them with the foods.

Phantom grumbled, eyeing the boy and the ramen, secretly hoping the man will take it and throw it away in the garage, like he had done some day ago when she was over to 'Gome Yuki's house to baked some of her favorite cookies, like she was doing at the moment today.

Phantom grinned as the man actually did take it and threw it away, causing the boy to cry out. "Come on, Naruto, you had ramen as breakfast today. Wasn't it about time to eat something way healthier than ramen?" Phantom asked the crying Naruto, who's face was caged in by the golden claw of the man's.

"Knowing him, probably not." The deep voice of the man said to the authoress. "Hmm… Oh, well. Thank you, Vincent, for throwing away that garbage." Phantom sighed, as she folded her newspaper and placed it on the table. The timer 'bing'!

"Ohh! The cookies are about to be done!" She grinned as she's skipping cheerily over to the oven. She put on the oven mitt to open the oven and pulled out the tray, full with cookies.

"Hot. Hot!" Phantom swayed away the hot air, emitting from the cookies. She placed the tray on the top of the oven. "Hmmm…Sugar cookies and macadamia nut cookies. Yuki's faves. Hehe! She always did love my cookies." Phantom giggled, talking to herself.

"So… Is it ready yet?" Naruto piped up, gazed hungrily to the cookies, causing both of Vincent and Phantom to twitch as they turned around to face the orange and yellow ninja. That hyper ninja had just ate. "No, not yet. We need them to cool off before we can give them to 'Gome Yuki." Vincent said, glaring at the boy. "Hey, Naruto. Why don't you pick a spar with Sasuke? I believed that 'Gome Yuki had decided to picked him as another one of her muses…" Phantom trailed off.

"Okay!" Was all he said before disappearing in the puff of smoke.

"Ah! I think the cookies are ready now. I hope that creepy vampire or that sneaky fox hadn't touch it yet." Phantom clapped her hands, smiling. Vincent had turned around and saw the cookies had disappeared. "Actually… I think they did."

She turned around and cried out, "She's going to kill me…" Phantom kneels down on the floor and sobbed out her misery. "These cookies are the rewards for all of 'Gome Yuki's hard works!!" Phantom howled out and Vincent twitched.

* * *

'Gome Yuki smelt the delicious air of cookies, signaling to her that Phantom's cookies are already baked and are ready to be eaten. "Yay! The cookies are done!" She grinned and off her bed, leaving behind her laptop. These are what she planned to update.

**Everything!**

She did update:

Story of the Goshinboku  
Demon Lord's Cry

She's singing out a same soft tune that Phantom had taught her long time ago. Her eyes spy the two of her muses, munching on something. "Ehh…? What are you guys eating?"

Both Alucard and Youko stopped their eating and slowly look at the authoress. "Oh, some candies that Phantom had bought us." Youko lied easily.

Believing his lie, she nodded, "Okay! I'm on my way to the kitchen to eat all of those delicious cookies that Phantom had made just for me! Ahh… How nice can she get?" 'Gome Yuki sighed dreamily; her cookies are to die for!

As she left out of the door, both Youko and Alucard looked at each other and Alucard said, "We better get out here."

"Yeah, we should." Youko started to stuff his mouth with cookies and Alucard did the same thing. As the cookies are all gone, both stood up and readied themselves to escape the authoress' wrath. But unfortunately, Vincent stood in their way of the escaping, with his three-barrel gun raised.

"Ehh… Hey, Vincent! We'll be on our way, now… Please excuse us." Youko tried to be gentlemanly as possible, but Vincent didn't believe him. He was expert at seeing the truth, after all. "No."

"Aww, come on, Vincent! Why are you blocking the way?" Alucard grinned weakly.

"Because you stole the cookies, of course. Phantom worked hard on those cookies. She wanted to reward 'Gome Yuki." He said, his red eyes narrowed at the duo.

"What are you talking about, Vinnie? We didn't steal the cookies, let alone touching them." Youko lied.

Vincent looked annoyed at the nickname Youko has given him; "You both had the cookies crumbs around your mouths, assholes."

'Crud.' Both thought.

* * *

"Hey, Phan! How were my cookies?" 'Gome Yuki grinned, appearing in the kitchen, but stopped when she see Phantom kneels on the floor, crying. "Phantom? Are you okay?" She said with concern for her friend. "Th-the c-co-cookies…" She sobbed.

"Ehh? What about-… MY COOKIES!! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY COOKIES??" 'Gome Yuki cried out when she saw the empty tray, filled with cookie crumbs.

"Your mu-muses… st-stole them…" Phantom whimpered.

'Gome Yuki twitched. "They did, did they… Where ARE THEY??" She screamed and like on the cue, Vincent appeared in the kitchen, answered the cookies-loving authoress, "They are in the living room, all tied up, all ready for you to torture… Err… I mean, to punish them." Vincent said coolly.

'Gome Yuki bolted, causing a breeze into Vincent's face.

Vincent looked down on Phantom, "So are you gotta be okay to make another brunch of cookies?" He asked her as she slowly stood up. "Yeah, I guess so."

She sighed as she hears the loud screams of pain coming from the living room. "Well… At least, they learned a lesson of touching 'Gome Yuki's cookies. These cookies are to die for, after all."

"AHHH!! I'M SORRY, 'GOME YUKI!!"

"PLEASE DON"T PUT ROACHES ON ME!! I BEG OF YOU!!"

Both Naruto and Sasuke poked out their heads out of the door and Naruto said, "Err… I don't think I want to know."

* * *

**Phan**: blink, blink. "Wow, 'Gome Yuki, you sure know how to hurt them.  
**Vincent**: "I don't want to face her wrath… Better you two than me."  
**Youko**: All bruised up. "Shuddup, you stupid gaybos."  
**Alucard**: All bruised up, shaking. "Roa…roaches…"  
**Naruto**: "I'm glad I'm not one of K.Y.N.'s muse. She's scary when she's can be. I feel sorry for you, Sasuke-teme."  
**Sasuke**: "Shuddup, you dolt!"  
**K.Y.N**: Munching on the cookies. "Hmm? You guys say something?"  
**Everyone**: "No."  
**K.Y.N.**: "Oh, okay."  
**Phan**: "Well, at least she still loves my cookies."

* * *

**This was written by a very talented authoress known as Beautiful Phantom. She is awesome and one my dearest fanfiction friends. I hope you guys enjoyed her work. She did it to try and get rid of her writters block... so thanks to you sweetie!!**


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